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Saturday, February 23, 20081203827291

Satellite Takedown

Brendan of I Hate Linux, Lady of tdaxp, and I were eating at Pizza Ranch this evening, discussing the US military's shoot-down of the failing spy satellite. With respect to the armed services, we came up with a better method:

  1. Build a giant trebuchet. Giant. So large that low-altitude satellites will need to be diverted to avoid hitting it.

  2. Launch a large boulder from the trebuchet to the Sun. Not directly at the Sun, but close enough so that Star Trek IV-style "slingshot effect time travel method" occurs, sending the boulder back to when the satellite was launched.

  3. Because the trebuchet was built so carefully and aimed so precisely, the boulder hits the rocket that is carrying the satellite during take-off, destroying it on the launch pad.

  4. The engineers in the past, aware that such a direct hit by a boulder from the Sun could only occur because of a time travel into the past in order to prevent a mistake, realize that something is wrong with the satellite. They then rebuild it, but better, avoiding whatever went wrong, as well as eliminating the need for the trebuchet, and, more importantly, the need to waste all the fuel diverting the functioning satellite's out of the trebuchet's path.


The last point is important, because the trebuchet is a carbon offset, eliminating the need for environmentally-unfriendly rockets.

22:28 Posted in Science, Vanity | Permalink | Comments (10) | Tags: satellites, trebuchet

Comments

As brilliant as this idea is... it also worries me:

How are the recipients of the big f$*#-ing boulder and destroyed rocket to know that the rock was in fact sent from the future and not some random freak event? Or worse... an act of a vengeful god who had enough of those damn uppity humans thinking that they are so great that they should leave the face of the land created just for them?

My solution: Attach a plaque or other such note to the boulder which says "Time travel's a bi%*&, ain't it? Fix your damn problem!"

This way the recipients know that the rock came from the future and that there is some issue that should be resolved.

Posted by: Brendan | Saturday, February 23, 2008

Brendan,

If you attach a plaque, you have to be careful that the font your words are written in haven't been invented yet. Otherwise, you risk radically changing the history of typography, leading to who knows what.

Posted by: Dan tdaxp | Sunday, February 24, 2008

I think we all learned in Bizzaro Project 4 that time travel is not the solution for everything.

Posted by: biz | Sunday, February 24, 2008

Is there a link to the Bizarro projects online?

And -- just as importantly -- was a trebuchet used?

Posted by: Dan tdaxp | Sunday, February 24, 2008

I suppose the Roman Empire possibly learning about the Times New Roman font could be detrimental... more so though... is the carbon offset real?

In order to make this a proper trebuchet... it would need to be made of wood... requiring the deforestation of... much of the planet, removing countless carbon removing trees from the environment... whose cutting would emit large amounts of carbon, not to mention the heavy industry used in it's construction.

While the actual firing would not emit any green-house gases... it's construction sure would.

Posted by: Brendan | Monday, February 25, 2008

is that the Pizza Ranch near the home of tdaxp in SD? because, if it is, and it's the one i saw, it's great to imagine you guys there. wish i'd been there, too! :-)

Posted by: Sean Meade | Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Dan, they aren't online, but I'll ask Rob to include the 'saga' on DVD when you order the Skipping Tomorrow DVD.
This is on the assumption that you're buying one of those.

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