tdaxp

What?!? You list the Eastern Time as the normal time! Infadel!

Posted by: Catholicgauze | Tuesday, August 16, 2005

All of Allah's chosen children know that Mountain Time is The One True Time Zone.

Posted by: Joshua | Thursday, August 25, 2005

And a wailing rose up from Mecca, and Medina, and the Enitre Hijaz, unto the Inner Desert and the Outer Sea, and the women sobbed, and the infants cried, even those not yet born, and the men gnashed their teeth

The men of Mecca, Medina, and All the Holy Places, even men under the Caesar and the Shah, united in their misery and confusion.

"O, tell us, O Prophet!" they shouted from the roofs, and the hills, and even the Tall Places in their ignorance and exasperation. "Unto what cities and zones of times shall we set our clocks?" For their televisions, and radios, and podcasts, even their short-wave radios, would never be on in time for the shows; either later or early, they were.

Then the Blessed Muhammed, Seal of the Prophets, Peace Be Upon Him, answered in his wisdom (for he had been told what to say by the Archangels, Gabriel, and Michael, and even the Great Angels With Names That Are Not Known To Any Man). Then the Perfect Husband of the dearest Aisha, the Perfect Father of the dearest Fatima, the Perfect Mentor to Ali and Abu Bakr, spoke thus

"Do not set your clocks to the time zone of Paris, for French television shall corrode your very souls. And do not set your clocks to the time zone of London nor Tokyo, nor even Wellington, for the communications of the Island Peoples are more worthless than the barking of dogs. And do not set your clocks as they do in New York, or Los Angeles, or even Halifax, for who in the world is concerened with the happenings of the coast-dwellers?"

But the people did not understand (for before The Blessed Muhammed, Peace Be Upon Him, all the men, and all the women, and all the children of even the Holy Places were thirsting in ignorance).

"O, tell us, O Prophet!" they cried in one voice, as all the blessed and saved of this world shall cry in wonder and love at the return of Iesu, the Smashing of the Jews, the Reckoning of Sums, and the Snapping of Necks.

"Oh, tell us, O Prophet!" all the people cried. "Is the true time, forever and universal as the Holy Koran, beautiful and pleasing as even the Holy Sharia, without beginning or end, residing with the Lord of the Worlds in the Eternal Paradise, is this time that of the Mountains as in Denver and Rapid, or that of the Central Peoples, as in Chicago and Falls of the River Sioux?"

"O, people for whom no book of time zones has yet been given!" responded the Prophet, liberator of Medina and protector of Mecca (yet only a man, wonderous man was he!). "Oh people, surely you know there is no zone of time that may last except the Central Standard and Central Daylight, which alternate even as the seasons."

"And what of the Mountain barbarians, who are forever one hour incorrect, and confuse us with their lies?" asked a wise man, whose own father slayed twenty thousand Ethiopians in the Battle of the Elephant.

The prophet pondered this, and answered as to the fate of the Mountain Time Ignoramouses in his love and grace thusly:

"SLAY THEM!"




(The Hadith of the Time)

Posted by: Dan tdaxp | Thursday, August 25, 2005